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Top Idol Performances: #20-16

Top 20, yo! And it’s only taken a little over a year to get there. Gosh, I certainly am timely with these things aren’t I? And of course, because S11 has actually been fantastic, there are quite a few new performances that would definitely make the list. But I have no time to think about those, because I need to go write about performances from eight years ago (including one in this set that will make everyone go “wtf?”). Without further ado…
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Top Idol Performances: #25-21

Now we’re getting down to the top 2% of performances. 2%! That’s like nothing. It’s the best of the best, y’all. It sucks that I have to cut some of these right now, but I do. The theme of this is awesomesauce performances that you should rewatch as soon as humanly possible because they will enrich your life and make you smarter. Or something. I don’t know. Writing a vague introduction to superficially tie together five entirely unrelated performances is hard.
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Got Rid Of A White Guy

Colton was sent packing this week! Which makes me simultaneously super happy and super sad. I grew to like Colton. He was kind of insane and played around a bit. He kept things interesting. But he was also a white dude who fit broadly into the “rock” genre, so I don’t mind getting a little proof that his fanbase wasn’t bulletproof. So, my conflicted farewell song to Colton below.

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Top 7 Song Choices: This Decade

So while I’ve been neglecting this blog, Heejun and Deandre were sent a-packing and I can’t say I’m mad about that. This season is just looking so awesome. We have Skylar and her spastic brand of crazy, Colton and his swoopy faux-hawk filled with dark energy, Jessica and her uncanny ability to turn any lyric into a literal gesture, Joshua and his permanent gospel choir, Hollie and her magical fairy-like aura, Elise and her hatred of everything and everyone ever, and Phillip and his total failure at life.

Anyway, this week the theme is actually super current! It’s songs from this decade. Yeah, you read that right. This decade! Not four decades ago! It’s a miracle. Now I just have to hope that no artist has released any version of “Against All Odds” in the past couple years. So here are my suggestions for the crew:
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Nobody Voted For Her

Oh Erika Van Pelt, you were doomed from the start. As a rock-influenced girl who at one point had pink streaks in her hair, you had no chance. You probably didn’t know this, of course. So thanks for trying. Anyway, here’s my farewell song to Erika, to the tune of the Billy Joel song everyone should’ve covered this week, “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”

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Top Idol Performances: #30-26

We’ve somehow made it all the way to the top 30! I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, y’all, and it looks oh so pretty. Here we look at the joys of midtempo/uptempo songs from a bunch of contestants who were much better known as somewhat stale belters at times. Man, now that we’re in the top 30 I really do love every single one of these performances. I’m sad I’m cutting a few of these.
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No Dancing For Jeremy

In a ridiculous move that at one point placed six out of the thirteen finalists in danger, Idol announced the bottom 3 vote getting guys and girls and there were really no surprises. The only one who was sort of a shock was Joshua – but when you consider he performed first and really has no actual fanbase to speak of, it’s not all that puzzling. Anyway, all the ridiculous nonsense with the bottom six and the bottom guy and girl and the judges deliberation and what not ended up with sweet Jeremy Rosado getting the ax. And no one really cared. He didn’t even get to sing himself out. Again, sad. Idol, stop robbing people of their swan songs. It’s just mean. I’ve come back to remedy that yet again! And because I know everyone wanted to hear me sing some Whitney Houston ‘ere goes:

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