Don’t. Stop. Believing.

Despite writing a week ago that James Durbin was in prime position to be “Daughtry’d” this week if he gave a pair of middling performances, I had convinced myself after the performances that a woman was going home. But no, something miraculous happened during the results show. And I’m not talking about Jordin Sparks’s warrior princess dance moves or the magical ability Windows 7 has to, gasp, support a webcam (but I’ll get to both of those later). No, I’m talking about something even greater. The first two contestants called to safety were completely lacking of a Y chromosome. For those who don’t remember Genetics 101, that means Haley and Lauren have secured themselves hometown visits, while James Durbin is taking the loser’s bus to Santa Cruz. Don’t worry too much James, no one in SoCal* was going to show up to your hometown visit anyway. At least this way you don’t suffer the Katharine McPhee fate of facing crowds of four people for your special day.

So after this season started out by eliminating five straight women, the voters have now eliminated five straight men and we once again have more women than men remaining. This is the first time since Season 6 (Melinda, Jordin, Blake) that there have been more women than men in the top 3. (We’ve only ever had one all female finale, Season 3, so history is on Scotty’s side for at least a week.) I never, ever would’ve guessed that this season would end up looking like this. If you had told me ten weeks ago that Haley Reinhart would be in the top 3 with a majority of the support from Idol bloggers, I would’ve laughed in your face and asked for some of whatever it was you were smoking. But here she is! And here we are! And oh my gosh, I cannot contain my ridiculous happiness at these results. I mean, I found James to be entertaining. I think a finale with James would’ve been a good finale. But if we had to sacrifice James to get to this point? I’m a-okay with that.

Lauren appears to have gotten some of her confidence back. I think a hometown visit where she has lots of people loving her will actually help her. (Not that she doesn’t get tongue baths from the judges every week, but hometown visits to the South are an entirely different affair.) Haley would be far and away the most surprising contestant ever to make the finale, let alone be crowned the winner. And Scotty? Well, um. Scotty still really loves himself some Jesus. How could you go wrong, really? I have renewed interest in this season now. Could one of the girls actually take down Scotty? Could both of the girls take down Scotty? I believe. I believe.

Other far less glorious stuff happened during the results show, too. Let me attempt my best (and briefest) run-down of the various “musical” performances:

Guys’ duet: Fake guitar playing, eight year old girls and poor singing? It must be the guys on results night!

Girls’ duet: Hey, crazy thing, these girls can actually sing on key.

Enrique Iglesias: Usher was only on the screen in the background because he couldn’t make a guest appearance. Unfortunately, neither could Enrique’s vocals.

Lady Gaga: You know what makes riveting television? Watching reality television contestants watch a television special that aired a week ago on television on your television! Bonus points if said special involves a woman in a yellow wig playing the piano while offering her butt to the heavens.

Steven Tyler: Sorry, I tuned it out. I figure if he can make millions of dollars to not watch performances, I can at least repay the favor by not watching his video.


Jordin Sparks: She. Is. Woman. Hear. Her. Roar. Seriously, now. See that, contestants? When you win Idol, you too will be able to wear and, subsequently, strip off (however clumsily) short silvery trenchcoat like things.

Oh and totally-not-a-musical-performance-but-needs-to-be-talked-about: What did the producers think they were gaining by that super clunky Windows 7 ad in the middle of the show? Really? You’re going to show the contestants talking to their families using Skype and try to make it seem emotional? Hell, Lauren and Scotty live with their parents still. James Durbin is all of two hours* away from his family. This isn’t Survivor. This is no deserted island. They’re not jumping through hoops and piecing together puzzles for a phone call home. They can call home whenever they want. But, hey, at least now we know that Scotty plays the piano too! See look America! Scotty is a multi-faceted musician with a heart of gold.

Go Lauren! Go Haley! You know, don’t stop believing. Hold on to that feeling. (If the Idol producers had announced Scotty safe before Haley, I would’ve had this whole parody of “Don’t Stop Believing” laid out about James and Haley and the episode. But they didn’t, and so my creative plans were thwarted. Drats.)

Who’s excited for next week? Is there any chance that Scotty doesn’t win? Is there any chance that Lauren’s hometown visit isn’t just a 2-day stream of tears? Is there any chance that Haley isn’t going to have to sing a song from an animated Warner Bros. film?

This blog was originally written under the misconception that James Durbin was from Santa Barbara. He’s in fact from Santa Cruz, so any reference of time/distance is kiiiinda off.


3 Responses to “Don’t. Stop. Believing.”

  1. 1 Meyling May 13, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Hey, I’m just another crazy Idol fan that happened to catch your face while watching Jim Cantiello’s idol show. I’m just commenting to say that your blog is hilarious. And I too, am incredibly excited that we have two girls in the top 3. And since the beginning I’ve been saying that Scotty will. not. win. (Though it’s really all just wishful thinking) Not that I don’t like Scotty–I think his personality is awesome. But I just really want one of the girls to win, preferably Haley.

    And I feel like Haley will get some good songs. Jimmy Iovine is picking one, and he seems to like her… I think. Speaking of Jimmy, I was disappointed that we never got to hear his comments/predictions. As long as Randy isn’t picking Haley’s song…

    • 2 jaytak May 13, 2011 at 4:01 pm

      I actually enjoy Scotty as well, but I obviously totally agree with you. The girls need to pull out a win! I think it’d be better for the show as a whole, too.

      I think all three judges choices might end up being terrible. They don’t know what to do with Haley and none of the judges know anything about country music. (As they’ve proved!)

      Thanks for the kind words, too! Glad you enjoy my ramblings.

  1. 1 Tearful rocker James Durbin exits "American Idol" - | Trackback on May 13, 2011 at 7:18 am

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